The media in my mind has potential to do and share so much good. It could inspire, motivate and help grow a world a positivity…
But instead it tends to be devoted to stereotypes which play on our weaknesses and manipulate our society into one of commercialism and exclusion.
When I was younger I was shy and I hid my ambitions and abilities beneath my cloak of self-consciousness and I believed myself to be inadequate because I did not feel comfortable in my exterior.
This is because in the media, whether it be film, social media or advertisement women are presented in specific forms and the general movement is one which glorifies women’s abilities based on their beauty and body image and this is only really applicable in specific categories. The media has blown up this idea of beauty being defined in a specific way completely out of proportion to the extent where we judge each-other and ourselves based on how we fit into the entrenched socialised norm.
I was never this girl. I never could be her. Because of this, I went through very long periods of self-doubt and anger because I believe myself inadequate. I was so manipulate by society needing me to conform to that I didn’t think that I had any chance of being described as beautiful and that my body image was inadequate and therefore so was my entire being.
It has been a long journey to try rebuild my belief in myself and although I have had much success and now have some confidence in what I have to say it is a continuous battle for me. Every time I look into the mirror I have to rediscover my beauty because deep inside of me is an ingrained fear of not fitting in.
However, as I said, I have grown and I’ve learnt a lot and I have met many young women who believe in themselves and it’s their confidence which multiplies their natural beauty exponentially and I hope, as someone now on a media platform, that instead of focussing our techniques on empowering some based only on specific outward attributes we should rather aim to be inclusive and inspiring of all people.
My friend, Fifi (allzuri.blogspot.com), and I are entirely different. We both love fashion but even within that love we have different tastes and different aesthetic identities. We also have different body shapes…
It is rare that we wear anything which is the same but the new suede-type skirt which has re-entered street style is so cool that we both ended up buying the first one we saw… Oops.
But it didn’t matter. The nature of the skirt is so incredible that it flatters basically every body shape and it’s so legitimately awesome that it gives an instant confidence boost.
As you can clearly see… we wore it differently.
Fifi went for a contrasting grunge look, combining the skirt with chunky black accessories and a monochromatic polar neck that was the perfect shade to compliment the skirt. The look was cool and edgy and she pulled it off effortlessly (and from experience fashion is rarely without effort). She worked with her slim figure by belting the skirt emphasising her waist and the leather jacket contrasted with the look and gave her that I-could-be-a-rocker-if-I-chose-to look.
On my side, I went for a completely different take, opting for a lighter, casual look. I paired it with a fun printed T, one of my Friends shirts which always gets thumbs up from everyone including strangers without fail, and an over-sized wool cardigan. I also went preppy with old soviets and clean white socks (my school socks never looked better). My waist is something I usually show off as it is the smallest part of my body but I am trying to grow confidence in the rest of my body and I actually prefer to wear the skirt lower, towards my hips.
I think it is important to note that neither of us was trying to manipulate our looks and our bodies to fit a certain ideal. We could wear chunky jackets and experiment with our looks because being an individual and partaking in the art of fashion is more important than trying to conform.
To me it was almost as if we had not tried to ‘twin’ it but rather were wearing entirely unique skirts because our styles are so diverse and the way the skirt worked with our bodies was also different.
I must admit, however, that it was difficult for me going through the photos and I was tempted to fall back onto my old habits of believing skinnier-is-better and comparing my form to Fifi’s.
Every time my mind wondered to the path of doubt and misconception I would consciously have to remind myself of my own beauty and disregard the negative thoughts and comparisons.
As a blogger selfconfidence is not always as easy as it may appear. I have to filter through photos of myself all the time and asses the image quality and it is extremely difficult not to get demoralized and I often end up being overwhelmed by my flaws rather than focusing on my attributes. I often have to leave the photos for a bit and try to re-evaluate them later with fresh positive eyes.
I think it is important to remember that as women and in fact as people we are very different. We look, think and act in beautiful and individual ways but that doesn’t mean we have to feel the need to conform and think that we in any way have limitations. Neither Fifi nor I had to stop ourselves from buying that skirt. We liked it so we got it. It wasn’t about how others may judge our body shape in the item it was about us and our taste.
If I can give advice to anybody battling with their self-image it’s that you need to stop worrying about other people and comparing yourself. Trust me I know this is difficult and it is something which has been so normalised that going against it actually requires courage but if you can build confidence in yourself nothing else matters.
Be brave, be confident and tell yourself that you are beautiful every single day.
x J
PS. I still haven’t quite got this right but I am trying…
…Also please note that this super cool location is the old abandoned zoo next to UCT.
Plain Old Glasses 